she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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