Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
