last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
