And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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