i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He passed out mid-signature
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
