remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A+ Viking dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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