About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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