Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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