if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
