The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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