I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
