he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
