just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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