omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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