Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
