Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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