I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
