Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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