i permit you to call me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
