nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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