I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
