why didn't you poke me back
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
