it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
