Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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