mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
