btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
