If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
