You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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