Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
