its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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