Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I supernannyed him into submission
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
