I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
