He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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