I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
