I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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