I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
