I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
