I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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