Moan for me like Helen Keller
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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