the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
