why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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