Can i not drive my cunt home
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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