oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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