A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
