we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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