When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
