This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
