I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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