Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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