If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
