Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
