I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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