Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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