Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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