Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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