Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
