I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
