Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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